DAX (exclamationpoint) (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} snarftastiko) wrote,@ 2009-06-30 21:55:00 |
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Booom Boom Boom.
So, i dont really have much to say.
Which, for me, is very strange.
the past few days, i've just been kinda blank--hell--all weekend. I cant seem to encite a response from myself to do anything. I mean, i'm broke as hell--due to some needed/unwise retail therapy. i'm stressed about work because my job really isnt working out. my student loan payment hasnt gone thru yet--which--is kinda good because as i mentioned before i'm broke as hell and the funds really arent there to begin with...but, yanno, it was supposed to have gone thru saturday and hasnt, and that kind of worries me.
i dont know what my next step is yet...
i've more than half given up on drag race. the process just took too long with too little encouragement and/or communication from anybody on their end to the point where i just dont trust the scenerio so i'm really not worried about it.
On one hand, i feel like there are things i could do to better my chances of a response. but on the other hand, i feel like its futile. if they wanted me, they'd have known before hand and would have given some kind of feedback...they havent and they wont, so here i am.
besides that, mother and i talked a little the other night and the idea of me doing "drag" really upsets her. it always has. even though, what i do isnt necessarily "drag" in the traditional sense...i mean, she's seen most if not all of my outfits. she knows that i'm not wearing boobs and pretending to be a lady. she asks me for makeup/hair advice, she always takes my opinion on shoes and handbags and clothes...she's cool with me wearing dumb clothes as long as nobody really notices. but it still makes her uncomfortable.
it always has and i dont really know why. she doesnt really articulate her feelings too well, she never has, she just feels a certian way, expresses that and in conversation, finds it EXTREMELY difficult to discuss to the point of a break-through as to why a certian thing makes her feel a certian way.
she's not really a sappy, squishy, hyper-emotional kind of person. she's business.
and also, since ive gotten back from new york, i've noticed that i lost flexibility in my big toe on my left foot.
on my last night in New York, i fell up the stairs in geoffrey's apartment building and i hurt my knee and my foot. i didnt think much of it at the time--i'm always hurting myself in random ways. Until last week, when i was getting ready for a party and i put on my favorite heels did i realize i had a problem. i got my feet into the boots but as soon as i put my left foot down, it hurt like the devil.
it was difficult bending my foot into position at first, but it happened, it was just alittle stiff feeling. and putting weight on it was IMPOSSIBLE.
i had to, instead, settle for some flat platforms...
I'm kinda freaked out because...well..I love my heels. even though they make me impossibly tall, i love them.
i talked to my aunt, who is a doctor, and she said that i might have slightly fractured my toe...which is fully possible, i did fall pretty hard.
i'm really just hoping its healed enough to wear heels for skin two.
anyway, thats whats been up. i should be working on things right now, but i dont really want to do anything in particular.
-DAX!
So, i dont really have much to say.
Which, for me, is very strange.
the past few days, i've just been kinda blank--hell--all weekend. I cant seem to encite a response from myself to do anything. I mean, i'm broke as hell--due to some needed/unwise retail therapy. i'm stressed about work because my job really isnt working out. my student loan payment hasnt gone thru yet--which--is kinda good because as i mentioned before i'm broke as hell and the funds really arent there to begin with...but, yanno, it was supposed to have gone thru saturday and hasnt, and that kind of worries me.
i dont know what my next step is yet...
i've more than half given up on drag race. the process just took too long with too little encouragement and/or communication from anybody on their end to the point where i just dont trust the scenerio so i'm really not worried about it.
On one hand, i feel like there are things i could do to better my chances of a response. but on the other hand, i feel like its futile. if they wanted me, they'd have known before hand and would have given some kind of feedback...they havent and they wont, so here i am.
besides that, mother and i talked a little the other night and the idea of me doing "drag" really upsets her. it always has. even though, what i do isnt necessarily "drag" in the traditional sense...i mean, she's seen most if not all of my outfits. she knows that i'm not wearing boobs and pretending to be a lady. she asks me for makeup/hair advice, she always takes my opinion on shoes and handbags and clothes...she's cool with me wearing dumb clothes as long as nobody really notices. but it still makes her uncomfortable.
it always has and i dont really know why. she doesnt really articulate her feelings too well, she never has, she just feels a certian way, expresses that and in conversation, finds it EXTREMELY difficult to discuss to the point of a break-through as to why a certian thing makes her feel a certian way.
she's not really a sappy, squishy, hyper-emotional kind of person. she's business.
and also, since ive gotten back from new york, i've noticed that i lost flexibility in my big toe on my left foot.
on my last night in New York, i fell up the stairs in geoffrey's apartment building and i hurt my knee and my foot. i didnt think much of it at the time--i'm always hurting myself in random ways. Until last week, when i was getting ready for a party and i put on my favorite heels did i realize i had a problem. i got my feet into the boots but as soon as i put my left foot down, it hurt like the devil.
it was difficult bending my foot into position at first, but it happened, it was just alittle stiff feeling. and putting weight on it was IMPOSSIBLE.
i had to, instead, settle for some flat platforms...
I'm kinda freaked out because...well..I love my heels. even though they make me impossibly tall, i love them.
i talked to my aunt, who is a doctor, and she said that i might have slightly fractured my toe...which is fully possible, i did fall pretty hard.
i'm really just hoping its healed enough to wear heels for skin two.
anyway, thats whats been up. i should be working on things right now, but i dont really want to do anything in particular.
-DAX!
